A Writer's Journey

Birthday, Brad Meltzer and How I pissed off Walmart

2006-10-04T00:28:00.000-07:00

I should ring the gazoo and show a little bit of happiness. Today is my birthday after all. It just officially happened mind you, but I like making every second count. So happy birthday to the greatest writer in the world (Looks behind him to make sure Brad isn't there)...me. :)

Well today was a bit of good news, bad news and indifferent news for me. I like getting the bad news out of the way first, so I'll begin there.

Sadly, I can't get my book into the poisoned pen. Sadly, my work isn't considered solicited by a publisher or distributor and as such I won't be able to get it in the store just yet. That's not cool, but that's the way it goes.

The good news is that I can work around that. It's now a matter of finding a distributor. Distribution is the key to my way into the door. I will crack it. It's true, oh it's true.

Now for the real good news: I got to meet Brad Meltzer tonight!

Brad Meltzer is signing a book entitled The Book Of Fate which from what I hear kicks butt. (sadly, I'm a poor man, but at least I now have the Zero Game! Another great book!) Brad is an incredibly funny guy. He told several stories, including his first agent experience, skirts and a bit about freemasonry. He's also got a lot of class and is a decent human being.

To my surprise, he actually knew who the hell I was. I had emailed him a couple of times and to my surprise when I brought it up, he actually remembered who I was.

Brad also has the distinction of right now writing the comic book series Justice League of America. It's a shame he can't do both. He's really good at making heroes very human. The voice that you hear them in makes them seem like someone you've known for years. In another novel of his, First Counsel he succeeds at this too. Making even presidents seem very human. That is a gift. And why Brad is one of the best in the business. All in all I had a blast meeting him. So Brad, if on the off chance you are reading this, thank you.

And now for my wal mart story. Well first, another first I have to talk about. I met a friend on a message board I frequent for the first time. Sean Boyle is a funny friendly guy. He's got a short story collection coming out in February and I wish him all the best with it. Anyways, I met him and we started talking in person. I brought up the concept of what is the greater evil, Wal Mart or Monsanto? At the mention of Walmart, a elder, large gentleman actually shuddered. Part of my brain told me that this guy probably worked at wal mart. Me and Sean talk about Wal Mart for a few minutes, ranging from funny to actual experiences (I'm one of the unlucky that has worked there.) Anyway, to make a long story short, you could actually see the gentleman in front of me become redder and redder. Finally, the gentleman turned around red faced and eyes filled with anger. He says to me specifically that he was the manager of walmart and that if I am going to bad mouth the company that I need to have my facts straight. Now yes, I'm terrible for rubbing salt in the wound, but I had fun. And if that makes me terrible, oh well. So all in all I had fun tonight.

Oh, I have one more piece of good news. I'm going to be writing comic reviews and interviews at the comicbloc. I'll announce when the interviews will take place. I want to specifically however, target the independents. There are a lot of good comics out there that just aren't made by the big two. IDW, Virgin, Image and Dark Horse comics make some killer books. And there's also webcomics. Web Comics are a part of the industry I feel doesn't get enough exposure. So I intend to try to remedy that in a David Letterman kind of way. Or maybe more like a Conan O Brien...with just a tad bit of journalism thrown in. I mean, how hard can journalism be. Fox News claims they are journalists...can it be much harder then that kind of slant? ;) Seriously, I want to see good books do well, and if a little press can help some little books become bigger, then it's worth it.

I'm not without some kind of selfish gain in this, and I won't lie about that. But all in all, I intend to have some fun with this.

And finally, I can finally sell my books at First Fridays here in Phoenix. I'm going to sell my books at the First Friday if all goes to plan. Which means that if my books are shipped down here, I can start selling them. Wish me luck.

Well then, that's quite a lot to read. I don't intend to ramble that much longer, but it seems like doors are opening for me down here. Hopefully by next year I won't have to worry about some of the problems I have now, and hopefully be closer to my goals. That's my evil battleplan.

Later all. Have a good day.

JP

What I'm Reading

2006-09-01T00:23:00.000-07:00

First off, to those of who who have read Thrill Seeker, I thank you for the kind words. For those of you wondering what the hell I'm talking about go here and read. You should.

I thought I'd take a little break from some stuff and actually pimp out some of the stuff I'm reading. But since I read lots it's hard to narrow some stuff down. So let's begin with my novels, and go into comics.

Currently I'm reading The Maerlande Chronicles by Elisabeth Vonarburg. An interesting twist on the male/female hierarchy and quite imaginative. I'm not sure it's for everyone but it's solid science fiction.

Let's see, I'll be jumping into First Council by Brad Meltzer, Jennifer Scales and the Ancient Furnace by Anthony Alongi and MaryJanice Davidson. Brad Meltzer became my hero when he wrote this comic book called Identity Crisis. Now he's writing JLA. I want to know what it would take to allow him to stay on the book for another few eons, but will be happy to enjoy the run he is on. So anyways, I read the first chapter and I'm hooked.

Anthony Alongi on the other hand is something brand new. I still read teen fiction from time to time. And for those of you that laugh, remember, LOTR was meant for children...:D Anyways, I'll be givign her a try when I get my hands on it tomorrow.

Let's see, beyond that there's the realm of comics. I read so many I'm afraid it's becoming my permanent crack addiction. I just added a new comic called Wasteland written by Antony Johnston and drawn by Christopher Mitten and give it my highest recommendations.

Beyond that, I recommend this month's Analog magazine for a great story by Robert J Sawyer.

I wish people read more. Reading is a great joy that fewer people do today and that's a shame. Hopefully you'll give anything I recommend up there a spin.

Alright, I've said my piece.

JP

The World of Immortality

2006-08-20T02:32:00.000-07:00

This wednesday is the start of a new blog and marks my official countdown to The Immortality Syndrome, that novel I've been trying to make people aware of for a while. While I wait for the novel to be published, I figured I could write stories based on the world I created here. For a touch of background and the gist of the plot to the world, check out my prolouge here in order to get an idea.

These stories aren't in any chronological order. Some take place before others. There's no particular order. That said, there's no need to read them in any order either. You can just pick and choose your story.

I'd love to hear comments from others. Outside of that, enjoy. They're free.

Special thanks to Michael Alan Nelson, who writes a great online novel called Dingo. Which by the way you should check out here.

See you wednesday with the first short story entitled 'Thrillseeker'.

JP

Conquering The World

2006-08-13T05:52:00.000-07:00

That's right. I'm going to conquer the world. I mean not in any ways involving guns, bombs or any war propaganda. I'm talking about my personal goals. More specifically, my more out there goals.

Life is about goals. Some of us talk about the ones we believe we can do with ease. But what about the "unrealistic" goals? While most of us can freely admit that anything is possible, most of us have a more realistic view of what we can acheive.

Even though there are some things that seem more likely then others, we all have them.

Here's mine. Without further ado, here are my top 5 pipedreams.

5. Be number one on the New York Times Bestseller List

This one would be incredible. Be the number one book in the United States. Never mind how big my ego would be after a feat like that, it would be incredible for it to happen.

4. Win A Hugo

A Hugo for those of you who hate science fiction is the biggest award in science fiction. I'd want to win one just to say I did. It's usually a book that exemplifies the best in science fiction. I don't know if I'll ever write anything of that calibre, but then again, I say why not?

3. Write Green Lantern for DC Comics

I love comics. Sure, there's spiderman, there's wolverine, but Green Lantern is my favorite superhero. I've read him since I was 8 and would be truly happy if I accomplished this goal. I never would write another comic again. Because for me, this would be the mecca in that field

2. Write a Hollywood Big Budget Film

This one is number two only because I really don't have much interest in television. But a small part of hopes I can make that Star Wars or that Jurassic Park that everyone likes and talks about. Again, Why not?

1. To guest star on Oprah

This one is the ultimate mecca. Not only does something like this makes a career. But this to me would tell me that I made it. Not only that, how many people can say that they actually were on oprah? This is my biggest pipe dream, but again, why not?

These are my pipe dreams, my cartoons, my things that probably never happen but could. What are your goals? What are your wildest dreams?

Even if people say they will never happen, I believe you should have something like this in your heart. Why? Because we all need mountains to climb. But we also need mountaintops. And really, career wise, this would be it for me. Also, Because it just might happen. Life is funny that way. You never know what is around the corner. That big record contract from Sony might be inches away from your hands. That book you thought was never going to be noticed could tomorrow be a towering best seller. Fame and fortune in this world is truly fickle. It can happen to anybody, anytime and anywhere.

And those of you that truly doubt me, consider this...you've already overcome greater odds then this. You were born. So have your battle plans drawn up, your wildest desires in your heart. Because today they just might come true.

As for me personally, I don't honestly know if even one of these things would happen. I have a lot of hopes and a lot of dreams and crazy plans, but in the end I freely admit none of these things may happen.

That all said, it just might. And that is something worthwhile to hope for isn't it. What are your pipedreams. What are your ambitions? Your goals and your dreams? Cling on to them all. Especially the wildest ones.

JP

The MySpace Experiment

2006-08-09T03:08:00.000-07:00

I discovered MySpace about seven days ago and seem to have oodles of fun playing with it. That doesn't mean I won't post stuff here. Quite the contrary. This will become a bit more personal. The MySpace will focus on writing stuff more often. Though a bit of other things will crop up from time to time and vice versa.

I love MySpace's ability to connect with people. There are all kinds from all walks of life. That is the beauty of MySpace.

The not so beautiful thing about it is its censorship like qualities. My dad can't post his website on there for whatever reason. And I get the feeling the media control there is a little 1984ish.

But right now, it's a fun experiment and one I'm enjoying.

JP

Trust

2006-08-02T03:59:00.000-07:00

I think one of the last signs that you're really growing up is when you see your parents are quite human.

I found that out about my mother a long time ago. Now I find the same truths hold to my father. Just entirely in a different way.

My father is someone I've always put on a pedestal. He'd be embarrassed I think to read this, but it's true. My dad has always been my superman. He's got a lot of qualities that I always try to be...yet always seem to fall short on. Maybe all kids feel that way, I don't know.

Which is why it's so hard to see him in his more human moments. That pedestal seems to crumble down when I see it. As a kid I think I could ignore them easier. An adult doesn't have that luxury. Not if they know what's good for them.

Today I realized what My grandmother and him have in common as far as their not quite so good qualities. They don't trust. Once hurt, they can't regain that trust.

It's very hard to trust anyone. It's kind of like gambling that someone won't hurt you when you place any faith in them. Sadly for my father and my grandmother, tje gamble didn't pay off. Both of them are still devastated in their own ways. And I'm sorry it did.

And when the heart breaks, it needs time to heal. But I think you need to be able to learn to trust again in spite of the pain or the risk. That's something my dad nor my grandmother have yet to learn. Lack of trust isolates you. Sooner or later there comes a time when you have to let go and start to trust. To be able to hold on to that fear of being hurt...it's very human. And I wish I could take the pain away.

It's also something I hope I don't have in me. I hope I'm strong enough when its my turn that I'll be able to learn how to trust again. My life is lonely enough sometimes. I don't want that all year round.

When my parents got divorced I made myself a promise. Now that I see this, I make myself a second one. I want to have the strength not only to trust, but to trust again should that trust be destroyed. I don't want to make the same mistakes.

As for my dad, I pray he can learn to trust again. It would do him more good then he realizes. I don't know if it can be anytime soon. But I can hope.

JP

The Immortality Syndrome Cover

2006-07-31T18:27:00.000-07:00

Here it is in all its glory. Feedback is appreciated. A special thanks to Milo for her hard work on it.

See it here and come back and tell me what you think.

The Immortality Syndrome is coming...

JP

This and That

2006-07-29T18:19:00.000-07:00

I think I have a cover to the book. It's not one hundred percent guaranteed, but my artist seems to be working to the bone and has done one hell of a good job. I'm hoping to reveal it the first week of august.

I'm already planning a bit of a marketing strategy. My book probably won't be out for another few months, but I'm already preparing myself for the unenviable task of promoting it. So buy my book will be every other line starting soon.

Lastly, before I go on this short entry this week I have to give a big thank you to Marc Andreycho. He's the creator and writer of a comic series called Manhunter. He also is a very generous guy and rewards his fans with free stuff. Thank you Marc.

And to the rest of you, buy Manhunter. It is probably one of the best comics on the market. The story is about a person who sees how the legal system is failing in the case of super villains, and decides to take matters in her own hands. Kate Spencer is not a perfect person, but in spite of her flaws tries to do the right thing. In the end, she is someone that can relate to us all.

So buy that book.

Sheesh, I'm promoting other people's stuff too. But really, if any book deserves a chance to keep going it's that one.

JP

My First Signing

2006-07-22T00:09:00.000-07:00

This is an old story, yet something happened today that made me want to retell it. I'll get to that in a moment, but first, some background.

It was when I was doing my first book, I Am..., and I was looking for a way to advertise my great work of poetry, and one of the places that gave me an opportunity was none other then this place called Healing Scents.

Healing Scents was an aromatherapy place. It sold aromatics such as amber, jasmine and many other fine products. Sadly, it's location did not make it that visible.

The owner of the place was a very generous soul. Sharon Watts was a very intriguing individual and a very good spirited woman. And she gave me my first chance at a signing. Which I will always be grateful for.

The signing...well, I can't say I did smashingly well. But it still was neat day. One of the tricks I used to get business into the store actually worked. One I intend to use with my next signing. Outside of that though, it was a great way to spend my day. And I owe it to Sharon.

Sadly, she died yesterday. I write this with a bit of sense and loss. Like I said she was a good friend. And I will always remember her for giving me a chance. But she was a kind, open minded woman that really helped others. She helped my father, and myself and for that I will be forever grateful.

I only wish I could repay it somehow.

Sharon, wherever you are, thank you for everything. God bless you and your family.

I Can't Draw!

2006-07-16T23:55:00.000-07:00

Well, let's take a bit of a stroll with what's happened in the last few weeks.

The good news is that I sent off my script. My novel is now approaching the hands of the publisher. Hopefully this week I'll get the good news. The bad news for me is that my cover is still not done. I've yet to hear back from the artist I had hoped would finish. So I've moved on and am now having seek other help. There are artist studios in Phoenix, I'll just have to dig into them.

The other piece of good news came from an unexpected block. I sent out a comic script to an editor at septagon studios, only to find that that skill I lack is required here.

The sad truth is I can't draw a lick. I tried putting some concept sketches together and find that I can't help but laugh at them. However I will see my self portrait is almost as good as a photograph (and if you believe that...lol)

But it's nice to be seeing some breaks coming my way. Now I have to do some careful planning. This week I send out a few short stories to some magazines and hopefully will get a good word. In the meantime, I'll work hard at trying to draw a person...how hard can that be?

*rips another page and crumples...

Sigh

JP

Calgary Alberta Canada

2006-06-27T03:41:00.000-07:00

At least for now, that chapter of my life is closed. The doors are locked and the key for now is hanging on a wall. I won't rule out that someday I'll head back there, but for now, it's over.

Calgary was a dichotomy for me. In one sense, I had really become part of the place. In comparison to what I feel now where I'm at, I already can tell I won't be here too long. Calgary was a tough go for me.

What I love about that city? I got to publish my first book there. I'll never take that away from the city. It was the culmination of something I started two years prior to coming there. It was something that windsor couldn't provide.

I also found some great friends there. Some of whom I miss greatly. Those for me were the good parts of calgary.

The bad parts about the city were the redneckness of it. In a lot of ways Calgary was very conservative about somethings. Things you'd think a city would have outgrown a long time ago. I'm being purposely vague there. But needless to say it was very...white.

The other part of Calgary I personally despised was the cost of everything. All everyone seemed to do there was work to break even. The whole city seemed caught in a rat race. Maybe it's becoming a world trend, but no one can get ahead anymore. And Calgary seemed to delight in breaking you down.

I'll never forgot how we nearly became homeless in Calgary. As many highs as I had, I also had many lows. My father hates that city for all that he went through there. And I can't say I blame him for his feelings.

I'm not sure quite where I'm going here. But Calgary was an interesting lesson. One I'm hoping won't repeat itself in the next place I am heading too. Wherever that may be.

JP

Fifteen Pages

2006-06-19T19:20:00.000-07:00

Here was an unexpected conundrum courtesy of the wonderful world of technology. I have been working all night trying to finish the manuscript. I spent countless hours cleaning and rewriting key parts of the novel. All these changes were small but time consuming. In the end I can say I am happier with the final product. I'm much more satisfied with the endings of all my characters.

Sadly, my printer decided at page 454 of my novel to just stop using black ink. It turns out I'm out of black ink. Fifteen pages short of my goal.

I actually cried. I was going to send out my manuscript today. But as braindead as I'm feeling now, I can say fate won this one.

A piece of advice when going to places like Kinkos to print: Watch your prices. Prices vary from store to store. Some of the charges that go on in stores like these are absolutely bizarre. Working at one of these establishments gives you great insight into how the greedy corporations work. Evil.

Anyhoo I'm beat. I'm calling it now. If anyone cares, I think I'll be crying today. I worked so hard...why?

Fifteen pages...sigh.

JP

Working

2006-06-18T01:00:00.000-07:00

*Note: This is an opinion. Not etched in stone.

This is that big philosophical post I had in mind. One thing I learned in Calgary while I was there is that people will work you to death if you let them. Due to the cost of living and the seemingly lack of jobs that will pay you money for all those costs of living, most of us have to work two jobs to really get ahead.

I did that for six months. One afternoon job, one night job. At first it was fine. But after a few months I realized that I was human and had limits. It got so bad that on my first of two days off I usually slept right through the whole day.

Now, I'm going to take the blame for that. No one told me to work this schedule. I made that choice myself. But after about six months of pushing against a wall, I realized one inevitable truth as I killed myself going through my eighteen hour day.

Working for someone else is overrated.

Especially in today's time. Don't get me wrong. You still have to pay bills. You still have to eat. But considering the fact that no job in this world is going to get you to retirement in this world. Considering that the higher paying jobs are leaving the country, the reality of working for someone is that it's become nothing more as a whole then glorified slave labor.

Again, don't get me wrong. There are jobs that compensate their employees still. And some people like their jobs. This post is not for them.

I'm talking about the cheap bastards that pay minimum wage for the most back breaking of labors. Worse off, jobs that not even five years ago paid at least a third more then now.

Walmart is one of the guiltiest places for it. They pay very little for what they want you to do and then they have the gall to treat you like crap while you are there. Working for someone else in today's time is nuts. You have to when you start. Most of us aren't born into money.

But you don't have to stay there. You can build up towards a business. If you got to kill yourself, and work to the bone, then in my view you should be doing it for you. Not for any soulless company that doesn't even give a damn about you.

Sigh...
I'm done.

JP

Racial Profiling

2006-06-15T23:56:00.000-07:00

I never thought I'd see the day where the United States would allow such stupidity. Ten years ago I don't think this would have been the reality. But today it is.

A judge ruled that racial profiling could and would be allowed. This precedent set in court a few days ago now gives President George W. Bush the ability to stop anyone based on their ethnicity.

This creeps the shit out of me.

Where did America go wrong? This was a very vile law. This is something the Nazis would have done years ago. And rightfully would have been called bad guys for it. That was nineteen thirty six.

Seventy years later to the dot we hit the same point.

America was about freedom, equality and mercy. Once upon a time the United States was a haven for everyone. At least, I think that was the ideal.

Now we have this. All something like this is going to do is divide America even further from the rest of the world. And we should be terrified.

What's to stop a president from holding someone at bay because they are muslim, or jewish or mediterranean or chinese, or east indian? This bodes ill for the future. I feel a little sick thinking about it.

Joshua Pantalleresco

Post #22

2006-06-15T04:00:00.000-07:00

Since I'm feeling like an insomniac right now, I figured I'd write a post. Since i have no idea what to write about, this is why I call it Post #22. So comments on how bad this may be are already known and appreciated. But bear with me here, as this may turn out to be not so bad.

I'm still going through some cleaning up in the novel. It should be done in a matter of days. Tomorrow I'm going to see if the printer would be so kind as to print out something for me. If not, I'll have to print it elsewhere.

Speaking of printers, I'm going to need more books real soon. Things may happen here and I have a goal dammit. I'll talk about my grand plan in my next blog. It's a topic I think most people don't think about. In the meantime I see a printer here in regards to the book I'm making.

I got seven comic books this week. My inner comic geek cheered wildly for the release of Green Lantern Corps. But the big issue this week was Civil War. I'm not getting any other piece of the crossover. Civil War deals with a concept of registering people who are superpowered.

Lastly, I've got some real ideas for some stories. I've been real worried that the old brain would want a break after that. Though I really enjoyed writing Immortality. It was a great ride. Now I need other highs and rushes.

I have a short time travel story that I think could be quite good. I still have a novel about God I'd like to write. Finally, some comic book ideas are rumbling in the head and with some new companies coming out I think a script or two over the next few days are in order.

Well, I've finished stating random facts no one seems to care about. And it really doesn't sound too bad. Then again, I do tend to love the sound of my own voice. So who knows?

I have some philosophical things to try and grasp for my next topic and finally I'm starting to feel tired. I'll respond to a few random blogs and then I think I'll sleep.

Phoenix rules by the way. Maybe I should write about this place.

Yawns...

Bed time...

Joshua Pantalleresco

Downtown LA

2006-06-13T14:27:00.000-07:00

You never know a city until you see its dark side. And when I got to LA, I got there.

I had gotten a major break with an airline. My gracious sister got me a great deal through her airline. I can fly anywhere in north america for a surprisingly good rate. All seemed well when I found out it was guaranteed, until a sad check for air flights revealed one thing.

There was no direct flights to Phoenix from Calgary. No big deal. I figured out the costs and decided to fly to Los Angeles. I've never been there and heard good things.

Getting there I immediately caught a cab. The cab driver was nice enough. He had one very nifty GPS tool in his car. It told him where to go and how to get there. Which sadly depressed me somewhat. Taxidrivers who don't know where they are going. That said LA is a very different animal.

Going along 110 highway showed me just how large and diverse this city was. LA is one large metropolis. I wish I had the time to really explore it.

Instead though I headed to the greyhound station. You know you are in trouble when your cabbie warns you about the place you are going to.

"They won't kill you here. But if you give out any money they may try something. Don't accept rides from anyone. They've been known to beat a guy down and take everything."

Wow. What advice to get right before you arrive. In canada greyhound stations are relatively safe. In the united states I learned that that little kernal of safety was not to be taken for granted.

So instead of being able to go out, maybe tell a story about how I met a movie star or some such wonders ou see in a hollywood movie. No. I end up in a bus station surrounded by people who would rather kill you then look at you.

The funny thing is if you go three miles north of where I was, you'd be in hollywood or pasadena. Amazing what a difference three miles can make in a city.

And that was my trip to LA. Would I go back? Absolutely. Next time I'll be flying though.

JP

Phoenix

2006-05-23T19:25:00.000-07:00

Wow. It's been a while since I've been on. I figured I'd update this thing while I still could.

To make a long story short, I'm moving. And I think I'm heading into a bit of a new direction. I'm out of Calgary June 1st and off to Phoenix Arizona. I realized personally that I needed to leave Calgary. While I don't hate this city, I just don't care for some of the things I have seen since.

I'm going to miss some people. Saying goodbye when you move is always hard. But I'm looking forward to moving somewhere else. I need to.

After living in Calgary for three years I've come to one conclusion: Most of the people here have no concept of hunger. All people seem to care about here is their next shot of beer, that next puff of Marijuana or that next lay on the weekend. It's all that drives people here it seems. Maybe that's wrong. I don't know. But it's all I've found. And I've had enough.

I can at least say here I was able to get my first book off the ground. I'm not swimming in millions as a result but I'm at least thankful that I got started here at least. Immortality is under 30 pages away from being done. So close, yet so far.

After that, I'll be living down here working on some things. We'll see if Phoenix is for me. I confess I don't feel much for it. I get the feeling that this will be a platform leading me into other things. But I have to go and see for myself.

I'm off for now. I'll be on again in june. But I had to get this off my chest. I'm off to Phoenix and I can't wait.

JP

Prolouge for Immortality

2006-01-31T23:36:00.000-08:00

Prolouge..."The Modern Prometheus"

I first looked death in the eye when I was eight. It swooped in, talons closing in on my father as his heart gave way. A heart attack at the age of thirty eight. I couldn’t believe it. I always assumed my dad would be alive forever. And then one day he does die, telling me just how unfair life can be.

Ever since that day I’ve always hated death. I've always thought how unfair death made things. All lives cut short, many threads left unfinished. Time people could do things with their lives, just gone. It made me wonder why death even existed at all. What was the point?

So one day I decided to research it. Investigate the cause of why people died. It started as a Curiosity…nothing more. Information came to me in such a way that soon I was consumed with the question. Almost nothing distracted me from this endeavor.

Almost. Then I saw her, walking along the campus. She was blonde and beautiful. I didn’t even realize I was in love. Then she surprised me one day in a wet t shirt one day. Ever since then, I found an obsession I loved even more then death.

We married almost immediately after we graduated. I received a job offer from Eternity Incorporated. My research had already earned me a stellar reputation. They were just as interested in discovering the answers to my questions as I was, and they were willing to pay for it. In the end, I accepted…who was I to argue?

I worked all day and made love all night. Life was good, if exhausting. It wasn’t long until I had a bun in the oven. My wife was quite happy at the prospect. She wanted children almost as much as she wanted to be successful in her field. Her field dealt with plants and botany. She believed in their powers to heal. I always was a prescription man before her, after her the information I received from her plants told me a lot.

Trees for example live hundreds of years. One of the big reasons why they live so long is that they are always growing. Their growth takes hundreds of years to manifest to full adulthood. And kids when younger seem to regenerate from almost anything. It led me into the first direction.

The second direction of course was white blood cells. White blood cells were directly linked to the immune system. The immune system deals with diseases and any invading radicals and parasites that target the body. As you get older the growth hormones cease, making you more prone to injury, slower recovery and all the infidelities of old age.

So what if there was a way to actually keep the growth hormones around? What if at age 45 you still had the same growth hormones you had at 25? You’d live longer. Now the challenge was to do it so at 105 you can say the same answers.

I didn’t want pills. Some things in the world do the trick nicely. DHEA, a vitamin really helps the male population that way. Keeps things on the up and up and slows down aging. But you have to constantly take it to maintain its effectiveness. In short it wasn’t powerful enough.

I wanted something permanent. Something that would make the person immortal without need of pills or re-administration of shots. I wanted something that reproduced on its own.

I thought of viruses. What if I could build one? I’d have to build one that attacked things on the molecular level. As smart as my wife was, I knew that she’d have no idea what caused that. So I looked it up for myself.

Nanites were the answer. They are cell sized or smaller and functioned like cells. As long as it had resources it could do anything. Finding a programmer took months, but I was confident and arrogant enough to believe I had the answers to the questions.

I knew what caused death. Now I sought out the way to conquer it once and for all. Never once did it occur to me that all things die for a reason.

My work was interrupted for a special joy. My wife gave birth to my son. His name was Joseph and I experienced the wonder of watching my little boy smile. He made me laugh, and gave me so much joy. Little did I know that he didn’t have much time.

The virus was built between rounds of baby talk. It was an ingenious design. The nanites would actually feed off growth hormones to produce even more growth hormones. They would live in symbiosis with whomever they hosted. Their function was to enhance what the body already did. Produce more white blood cells. Stronger white blood cells so nothing foreign could invade the body. Better growth hormones so that any injury inflicted on the body would heal instantaneously. It was the closest thing to immortality that was ever designed.

However, Eternity Inc didn’t want this virus spread out. It turned out that they were interested in my formula, but that they wanted it only for those who could afford it. They made it very clear to me that if I didn’t find a way to make this virus more tailor made, I would be terminated and someone else would take over. Someone else would get the credit. Someone else would beat death.

My arrogance came out in full bloom. No way was anyone going to take away all the hard work I put into this thing. But I didn’t want to see it become an exclusive thing either. I remember my dad, working so hard to try and fix things. He wanted to build a soup kitchen. It’s not the greatest contribution to man, but he believed what I believed. That all life was sacred and deserved a chance to live. That’s what my father believed and that’s what I believed.

So that night, I took the first fateful step in changing the course of history. The virus had already been made, and had the design to already be airborne. So all I did was break the container that held it. On that night, I unleashed the virus to the world.

You’d think I did a lot of people good doing this. Yet there was one thing I didn’t count on. That of course was the children.

There’s a reason why the white blood cells are only so strong. There’s a reason why the growth hormones stop pumping. But did I pause to consider those things? Not a chance. Instead I overlooked the one thing that made my life worthwhile to defeat death.

I walked home that night whistling an easy tune. I wasn’t worried about the repercussions from my company. I’m immortal now. What are they going to do? Fire me? I fully intended to take on the next challenge, whatever that was. But first I wanted to see my boy before I went to bed. I always had a habit to read bedtime stories to him. Or make something up. Kids were so much fun that way.

But when I got there I saw him sleeping. I smiled and went to kiss him on the forehead goodnight. When I touched his forehead though I panicked. He was so warm; it felt like he was burning from within. Which I found out later was exactly what happened not just to him, but to every child under the age of 7 years old.

You see, I had forgotten the children. It never occurred to me that they themselves might not be ready for the gift I had given them. That their bodies were too young and too underdeveloped to fight what I had done.

I watched my son die from the very virus I created, powerless to stop death from claiming its last victims. I had won. I had cheated death. No one would die anymore. Nor would anyone ever be born again. The children that survived would be all that was left. Once they grew up, there would be no more children.

I’ve always hated death. Ironically, I became its greatest instrument doing of all things, granting eternal life. Such good intentions led me to this and I can’t say I don’t deserve it. I’m hated now, and deservedly so. My arrogance destroyed my world and many others as well.

All that’s left for me is to find the cure. When I do so, I will be the first to ingest it. For pain I find is as eternal as life itself, and I want to end it. Maybe in the end, I’ll find peace. Every night though I still see my little guy sleeping in his cradle. Knowing I’m the one that put him there.

Choices

2006-01-05T20:26:00.000-08:00

Life can change in an instant. You can be going down your runway galloping at certain speeds, when a single decision can change the course.

Let's start with some decisions that have been made. I already stated that I was moving away from Calgary. So here's the first decision...drumroll please...

I'm moving to Phoenix Arizona!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tada!!!!! Decision number one. I leave within the next three months. My dad is leaving tonight. So just like that I'll be closing up shop. I'm starting to look at colleges and such for the next year. I have to go back and this time, I'll finish my education.

Right now I don't feel anything. Part of me still doesn't believe it. Part of it is because I'm still working on Immortality Syndrome. I have to finish the book, and other things before I go.

I don't want to stay here. I don't see a future here, other then to be a not so well paid slave.

So I'm going to leave this place soon. The second big decision is to go to India. I leave mid march, maybe a little sooner. There are places and people I want to see. And I need some wholesale changes.

So with a book, travelling, college and moving, I already seem to have a full year. Part of me is sad at the last part. I've moved all my life, and I don't see that stopping anytime soon. I wish I could. But I know my journey is a long one.

Right now I feel numb. As time ticks down, I'll feel excited. Also, there is one fact.

I'm going to be completely on my own in two months. Isn't that sweet?

Joshua Pantalleresco

The Last Rocker

2006-01-01T07:31:00.000-08:00

Rock and roll music when it came out shook the world up. You had Bob Dylan, Elvis Presley, KISS and a whole list of rebels that shook up the status quo in new and wondrous ways. Rock and roll at its best is when it steps on people's toes and forces you to question things.

Yet look around you. How many rockstars actually stimulate a thought? I can count them in one hand. Teen Angst and love songs are all that seem to be on the radio anymore.

In 1996, some detroit white rapper broke into the business. Now to make a long story short the year is now 2006...almost ten years since that time. And now as much of a bang as he arrived, I think he's done.

If you don't know who I'm talking about, I'm talking about Eminem.

He's truly a throwback to the old 60s and 70s bands. He spat in the face of authority...and everything else. But in so doing he could make you think. Oh, don't get me wrong; he wrote some pretty stupid songs when he wanted to. "Ass Like That" comes to mind.

He could make you laugh. He could make you cry. He could piss you off. And do it all in the same song. Sadly, he's one of the last of his kind. And I think after this album, he's done.

"When I'm Gone, just carry on
rejoice whenever you hear the sound of my voice"

That song is about the price of success. It's also though a goodbye. And I'm sad. I can't blame him. He stepped on a lot of toes from all walks of life. And he has a family. But when he goes, all I got to listen to on the radio is "safe" music. Stuff that may have a nice melody, but doesn't require a single thought from me. It keeps you nice, and relaxed. Without a single trace of passion.

He truly is the last rocker. And I'm sad because I don't think anyone like him is going to come up in a long, long time.

My favorites:

When I'm Gone
Lose Yourself
White America
Stan
Without Me
Mosh
Mockingbird
The Way I Am
Sing For The Moment
Toy Soldiers
Still Don't Give A Fuck

Joshua Pantalleresco

Immortality Syndrome

2005-12-30T04:10:00.000-08:00

What would it be like to live forever?

That was a premise I came up with a couple of years ago working on a novel of mine. I thought the idea was really cool, but wanted to develope it. I had an idea that a virus would be somehow involved. But really didn't like that idea. For one thing, viruses as a whole kill people. Then they too die out.

In this case though, people are immortal. Was I going to write about people being used to living forever suddenly in one night dying? Cool idea, but really, I didn't want a disaster type story. Or at the very least, one that focussed on the disaster.

I wanted a story about people coping with the end of change. No more aging, no more injuries, but simply living.

What is the meaning of life after all, if there is no death? And how would the lack of death change things?

That's a cool story and it's one I've written.

It's called the Immortality Syndrome and I plan on releasing it in march or april. It's almost done now. An excerpt is already on this blog. It's the prolouge. I hope to release more in the coming weeks.

And really, this is my last post for the year. Next year, I'll be working towards talking about different things. I hope to have sketches of some of the cool things coming up next year. My artist and I will be talking soon. Or so I hope.

Beyond that, I'm going to talk more comics, some hockey, a game called "Magic" and finally, more musings about life, the universe and everything.

I'm tired. Must get back to work now. Immortality needs to be done.

Joshua Pantalleresco
Immortality is coming...

Happy Holidays

2005-12-24T14:51:00.000-08:00

Okay, I should say something nice about the holidays. So here's what I'm going to do before my final post of the year. I'm going to say...

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE

Enjoy your time with your family and friends if you can. And if you are one of the souls who can't, make a phone call.

And finally, failing that remember...

You are loved...

Merry Christmas everyone...for some christmas fun check out http://www.illwillpress.com for a little fun with the commericialism of the holidays. Remember folks, it's not the size of the gifts, but the people you are with.

Merry Christmas

JP

Happy Ho Ho

2005-12-22T08:03:00.000-08:00

I can't help it. I'm not much of a holiday guy. Looking at the news and can't help but smile. Today in Canada Swinger Clubs are Legal...WOO! Well now, at least it's finally out in the open. Yes, now we as Canadians can enjoy the rights of having live sex shows in a bar. Yet still have to be homage to a queen from another country. Ah yes, the freedom there. Good times.

And yes, there's an election coming soon. We're having an election right now in Canada. But don't worry if you don't care. Most canadians don't seem to care. You have Paul Martin of the liberals is promising the moon, and much like usual, they will do nothing. We have the choices of the conservative right, the socialist left, and the bloc, who actually shows some kind of sanity in their campaign. They just want to leave. If I had to choose between all the parties, I'd vote for the bloc. Hey, that might sound insane, but at least with the bloc I know what they are trying to do. I have no clue what the others are doing.

But it's the same old game. People have such short attention spans. Martin is using the bloc to try and cover his ass for his partie's dirty laundry. If elected again, Quebec will once again be a smokescreen to avoid any policies being put into play. Much like how Jean Chretian used the Bloc to forestall any real party applications that were promised. I still remember when he promised to get rid of a tax, that we still pay to this day. Martin will do the same thing. And the problems will once again continue to be unsolved and grow more dangerous.

I almost believe there is a conspiracy with bad elective choices. Twenty years ago, George W. Bush never would have been a serious candidate in the United States. Twenty years ago, Paul Martin never would have been in line for Prime Ministership. And the guys in power twenty years ago never would have been considered for power twenty years prior to that. It just seems our "leaders" are becoming more and more muppet like.

What amazes me is that people stand for it. Maybe it's the consumption of alcohol and beer. Maybe it's the same fog I'm in right now. But we are too caught up in this game, and really, looking at the end, I can't say I like where it's going.

But what do I do about it? What can I do?

My hope is that when this system collapses (which it inevitably will) those who pick up the pieces afterward may posess the attention span to actually avoid this road we've chosen.

Yeah, this is a very cynical piece. But really, the holidays always bring this out of me.

Food for thought...are you really free? That's a good question. I'd love to hear feedback from people on that one.

Joshua Pantalleresco

Yousseau Seck

2005-12-20T22:53:00.000-08:00

I met Yousseau Seck at a gas station. This guy is a Juno Award winning musician. His Specialty? African Music. He's very talented on the guitar, and is part of a band. Next week I'll take him up on his offer, but he's quite good.

When I met him, he was telling me about this big show he was signed to do. Unfortunately he was short on money. He was frantically searching for some way to pay for his trip, as this was a big gig for him.

I helped him. I got an autographed CD for my troubles.

Is his CD any good? Absolutely. You should look him out. His solo album is quite relaxing. Those of us tired of the noise on the radio would enjoy the peace you get from his album.

As for yousseau...I think I made a good friend out of this. His spirit is reflected in the album, and you should take a look at it.

Joshua Pantalleresco
Immortality is coming...

I Love The Holidays

2005-12-11T06:20:00.000-08:00

I love the holidays.

I love it when customers are in the holiday spirit. It puts them in two categories. Either they are extremely nice or extremely grumpy. You can tell the holiday's are in full bloom when both extremes come out to play. Today I'm focussing on the one group. The one I dealt with the most in one day.

At my copy job, I serve a woman who hates machines. So what are you doing in a place filled with copiers and machines?

I love the holidays.

Also at my copy job, I get a customer who screws up their order and blames it on us. And who comes back again...and again...and again to tell us how unqualified we are at our jobs.

I love the holidays.

At my other job, I get a customer all offended that I told her to get an item for herself. One she could have easily grabbed. She responds with some comments on ignorance and how I'm being bad at customer service.

Did I mention I love the holidays?

This is the one time a year you see the dark side come out to play. People claim this is supposed to be a joyful time. Yet everyone I sees has looks of panic or drunkeness. I don't know. I don't call that holiday cheer.

I think Christmas should do away with gifts. I really do. Sure, it'd screw up the commercial business as we know it. But all that cardboard cutting, false face bullshit would go the way of the dodo bird. And the only assholes you deal with are the ones that are normally assholes the rest of the year. Christmas is supposed to be about family. Make arrangements to see them and be fortunate you have them. Or at the very least, talk to them if you can't see them. That's my opinion of course.

I love the holidays.

I can't wait till they are over.

Joshua Pantalleresco
Immortality is coming...

Love

2005-12-07T07:01:00.000-08:00

Wow. I'm really getting heavy here. Maybe it's the holidays. Or maybe it's my love to talk about things, but with everything going on, I feel I should reveal the secret to life. Yes, it's not 42.

It's love.

You know, I recently came up with the fact that as a whole I love my life right now. I love my friends, I love my writing, I love what I do and really I'm using love too much in this sentence.

But really, it's what separates sane individuals from alcohol. Love is what moves you. Personally, if you love what you are doing or what you are striving for, then you are already ahead of the the game. If you love something, you pursue it. And nothing will stop you. Because you love it. It sounds so corny I know, but after thinking about it...it's true.

More recently though I realized how lucky people are to find love. When you love someone then, you really strive. I think it's true what they say. If you are in love you really strive for it. You go out of your way to prove how helpful you are to the person you love.

And like all things though, you need love. With love, you feel better about yourself. I don't think there is a single soul out there who doesn't pursue love in some form. We all need it. And really, if we can love each other, maybe we can stop hating each other.

"If I had one thing I'd want to say to you
You Are Loved"
Rebecca St. James

I'm going to say that to everyone I know. It's really powerful when you say I love you to someone. Maybe we should do it more often. So when you see someone you care about say those words. I think you'd be surprised at the response.

My next two entries will be about my book, and a person I did some good. (It's about them really).

Have a good one.
You are Loved.

Joshua Pantalleresco

Tag - I'm It

2005-12-07T06:54:00.000-08:00

Well, I talk to comphor the other day and I find out about tags. Since i was curious, she tagged me. So for my first post of the month...Tags.

7 things that I can do:
Read
Write
Tell Bad Jokes
Admire pretty women
Dance
Sing
Make Stuff Up

7 things that I can't do:
Sing
Dance
Understand Women
Understand The Whole Concept Of Reality Shows
Dance Naked On Coals
Backflips
Make 7 Things Up I Can't Do

7 Words I use most Often:
Beautiful
Sexy
Cool
Dude
LOL
Totally
Love

I'd do the other tag, but I find that I can already talk about myself as much as I want. So why bother? I do it enough on here already. :)

Joshua Pantalleresco
Immortality is Coming...

Women: I Know Nothing About Them

2005-11-28T07:09:00.000-08:00

Yeah, this is a topic I know next to nothing about. I don't claim to be an expert on women. I've made some stupid blunders with them. I've also done some wonderfully charming things. But for fun and to see how many women want to kick my butt, I'll talk about some experiences. Some good, and some bad.

Here's what I've learned...

Fact 1: Woman like being sex objects, but they don't like being just sex objects.

Okay. Now, I'm a male and as such, very fascinated with the female anatomy. It's beautiful to look at and really, I want to touch and play with it. Women love being complimented about how they look. But they don't want to automatically be just labelled under that sperm receptical category.

Besides, most women are above that. I mean, sure they love to be complimented. But you can't just have an eye level conversation with their breasts. They have a smile, usually nice eyes, and a brain. Focus on those characteristics. More why later.

example of what not to say...
1. A million dollars or you can pay by your choice...yeah..not a good line.
Yes, I've done this line. And yes, I was an idiot for doing it. It wasn't exactly what I was intending to say, but it's what came out. As expected, the girl was offended. See reasoning above as to why.

Example of what to say
1. You have a nice smile.
I find this is the most unoffending thing to say to a girl. (And it's always true too). I love women when thye are smiling. It shows life, it shows passion and I love the confidence that beams out of a woman when she smiles. Confidence is the most attractive characteristic a woman has in my view. This usually starts that confidence coming out. It also is a sign you notice more then just her bra size as well.

Fact 2: Women like strength and security.
This has many layers. One of them is money. A woman would be lying most of the time if she said money didn't mean anything. Sure it does. But for most women money isn't where it ends.
Women like strength. They aren't always looking for the same definition of strength, but they do look for it. Money is a sign of being a provider. Some women are drawn to it. Some are drawn to your looks (genetics). Some it's confidence which can be expressed in a number of ways. It's why women like guys with a sense of humor. Whatever they are looking for, whatever strengths you have are what attract women to you. Focus on them.
The other major issue is trust. Women has to be confident that the guy she is with is trustworthy. Meaning, that he won't hurt her and will protect her. A woman that trusts you tends to relax around you. Women want some form of security, which is why they seek out strength.

Fact 3 (The last and really only thing I know for sure): Women love compliments.

Remember what I said about focussing on other characteristics? Confidence shows up here in this category as well. Women are generally beautiful, but why? And that's not just a body thing. It's brains. It's personality. You pay attention to a woman in those things and you pretty much will have her as a friend, and maybe more. No promises here though. But I do know you make a girl's day when you tell her how beautiful she is. If you're genuine and honest about it, they usually believe it. And really, enough of them don't. Which is a shame.

That's it. Everything I know about women. It's not much. Really, they are unfathomable creatures. I'll know all the secrets to the sun before I ever understand one woman. I admit it. Most of this is rubbish for all I know.

I do know though, when the women are confident in themselves, its one of the most amazing things I've ever seen.

Joshua Pantalleresco
confused

Out Of Time

2005-11-26T04:08:00.000-08:00

I wish I had more time to think
I wish I didn't have to act
but I do
and I know its time to say goodbye

part of me wishes I could have more time
forever and a day
but my life waits for no one, not even me
and if I don't act now, I never will

time is the absolute illusion
you never know when it will end
it could be right now reading this
or one hundred years ahead
or an infinite gauntlet in between

If I don't act, I'll never know
so I choose, taking my chances
closing this chapter of the book
and opening a new one elsewhere

I don't know where the story goes
or even how the story ends
all I can do is choose how it is written
so I take the pen and quill and I...

I think that's okay on the fly. It definitely feels kind of rough. I haven't done any poetry in a long time. Been working on the immortality thing. I think I should make my January deadline there. More on this later.

It feels like time is closing in on me. Decisions I've put off have to be made or I'll be left behind. This week I'll have a general idea what I'll have to do for my next three years. As college beckons. My dad is off to arizona. I have that much time to figure things out.

We'll see where I'm coming to. Part of me wants to stay here. But part of me knows that if I do stay here, I'll never be happy. So next week I'll be hearing back from some colleges.

Man, what a busy few months. No time for anything...

We'll see where it goes.

Josh

No More Retirement

2005-11-21T08:27:00.000-08:00

Just writing a few quick words here. A little food for thought with what's going on back where I came from.

First and foremost a happy birthday to my grandmother. I owe her a phonecall later on. But for now, I want to talk about something else

GM just laid of 3600 workers. I can't say this wasn't coming. Contrary to popular belief though, GM is making a lot of money still. As is Ford and Chrysler.

So why are they cutting jobs if they are making a profit?

Simple. Because they found somewhere cheaper to go to. Fact of the matter is, business is business and GM, while definitely in no financial danger, still looks for cheaper wages. In China and India, they pay .61 cents an hour as opposed to 30 dollars plus over here. Hard decision when you look at that.

How does GM and other companies though just get away with what they do? Easy enough. Bankruptcy laws. They now favor companies. Say a company wants to get rid of its employees, all they have to do is final for chapter nine or some such bankruptcy and they are off.

So what does that mean? It means no retirement anymore. No benefits. Unions don't matter. After all, if a company is broke, how can you pay anyone? This is just an excuse for corporations to back out of compensation. And people all over are going to pay for it.

I wish India and China all the success with GM. Be careful though boys. They always will be looking for a better deal. ANd if they find it..

Josh

Dancing Madly

2005-11-19T16:57:00.000-08:00

Just tallying up all the thoughts on the excerpt I left here last week. Been busy working on finishing this story and may continue to do so as I type this. I'm hoping it will be done by January. On top of everything else I have to do though, that may be impossible.

I got this cool idea for a short story too. We'll see what's up and down that way. I wanted to do more writing then I have. This year I wrote hundreds of pages. But I never quite got to the end of anything. Well, almost. One novel only has two chapters to go. So I guess I did some good there.

Hopefully next year I finish the other two I was working on all year. Immortality does look like its going to be done though. Whether by December 31st or not though remains a mystery.

This moving thing...been thinking about where to go. Right now that's frustrating. I know I want to leave, the question becomes though where I want to go. Arizona and Michigan look like the best two candidates. Monday I'll be contacting schools. Also start working towards my passport. One way or the other I will be doing some travelling by next year.

One thing is for sure. January is fast approaching. It's time to prepare.

A Happy birthday to my grandmother.

That's it really.

I'm glad I vented. Time to dance madly back to work.

Josh

An Excerpt

2005-11-12T01:37:00.000-08:00

First and foremost, I truly believe my spacebar is on some evil crack, and I'm jealous because its not sharing. Second, I keep telling myself that I will be playing Romancing Saga for PS2, but as I type this i realize that it just won't happen.

On the positive side, that book I've been waiting for. That precious Feast for Crows by George RR Martin is finally out. Sweet loving. Time to read...but first...

Here's my first excerpt. It's a small thing. It's a novel I've been working on for the last few months and really think I have a shot at finishing. Unlike my last post, this one is all about ME...ME...ME.

I hope you enjoy this. Be warned, the ending you won't see coming.

MTT

Prolouge..."The Modern Prometheus"

I’ve always hated death. Ever since my father died, I always thought how unfair death made things. All lives cut short, many threads left unfinished. Time people could do things with their lives, just gone. It made me wonder why death even existed at all. What was the point?

So one day I decided to research it. Investigate the cause of why people died. It started as a Curiosity…nothing more. Information came to me in such a way that soon I was consumed with the question. Almost nothing distracted me from this endeavor.

Almost. Then I saw her, walking along the campus. She was blonde and beautiful. I didn’t even realize I was in love. Then she surprised me one day in a wet t shirt one day. Ever since then, I found an obsession I loved even more then death.

We married almost immediately after we graduated. I received a job offer from Eternity Incorporated. My research had already earned me a stellar reputation. They were just as interested in discovering the answers to my questions as I was, and they were willing to pay for it. In the end, I accepted…who was I to argue?

I worked all day and made love all night. Life was good, if exhausting. It wasn’t long until I had a bun in the oven. My wife was quite happy at the prospect. She wanted children almost as much as she wanted to be successful in her field. Her field dealt with plants and botany. She believed in their powers to heal. I always was a prescription man before her, after her the information I received from her plants told me a lot.

Trees for example live hundreds of years. One of the big reasons why they live so long is that they are always growing. Their growth takes hundreds of years to manifest to full adulthood. And kids when younger seem to regenerate from almost anything. It led me into the first direction.

The second direction of course was white blood cells. White blood cells were directly linked to the immune system. The immune system deals with diseases and any invading radicals and parasites that target the body. As you get older the growth hormones cease, making you more prone to injury, slower recovery and all the infidelities of old age.

So what if there was a way to actually keep the growth hormones around? What if at age 45 you still had the same growth hormones you had at 25? You’d live longer. Now the challenge was to do it so at 105 you can say the same answers.

I didn’t want pills. Some things in the world do the trick nicely. DHEA, a vitamin really helps the male population that way. Keeps things on the up and up and slows down aging. But you have to constantly take it to maintain its effectiveness. In short it wasn’t powerful enough.

I wanted something permanent. Something that would make the person immortal without need of pills or re-administration of shots. I wanted something that reproduced on its own.

I thought of viruses. What if I could build one? I’d have to build one that attacked things on the molecular level. As smart as my wife was, I knew that she’d have no idea what caused that. So I looked it up for myself.

Nanites were the answer. They are cell sized or smaller and functioned like cells. As long as it had resources it could do anything. Finding a programmer took months, but I was confident and arrogant enough to believe I had the answers to the questions.

I knew what caused death. Now I sought out the way to conquer it once and for all. Never once did it occur to me that all things die for a reason.

My work was interrupted for a special joy. My wife gave birth to my son. His name was Joseph and I experienced the wonder of watching my little boy smile. He made me laugh, and gave me so much joy. Little did I know that he didn’t have much time.

The virus was built between rounds of baby talk. It was an ingenious design. The nanites would actually feed off growth hormones to produce even more growth hormones. They would live in symbiosis with whomever they hosted. Their function was to enhance what the body already did. Produce more white blood cells. Stronger white blood cells so nothing foreign could invade the body. Better growth hormones so that any injury inflicted on the body would heal instantaneously. It was the closest thing to immortality that was ever designed.

However, Eternity Inc didn’t want this virus spread out. It turned out that they were interested in my formula, but that they wanted it only for those who could afford it. They made it very clear to me that if I didn’t find a way to make this virus more tailor made, I would be terminated and someone else would take over. Someone else would get the credit. Someone else would beat death.

My arrogance came out in full bloom. No way was anyone going to take away all the hard work I put into this thing. But I didn’t want to see it become an exclusive thing either. I remember my dad, working so hard to try and fix things. He wanted to build a soup kitchen. It’s not the greatest contribution to man, but he believed what I believed. That all life was sacred and deserved a chance to live. That’s what my father believed and that’s what I believed.

So that night, I took the first fateful step in changing the course of history. The virus had already been made, and had the design to already be airborne. So all I did was break the container that held it. On that night, I unleashed the virus to the world.

You’d think I did a lot of people good doing this. Yet there was one thing I didn’t count on. That of course was the children.

There’s a reason why the white blood cells are only so strong. There’s a reason why the growth hormones stop pumping. But did I pause to consider those things? Not a chance. Instead I overlooked the one thing that made my life worthwhile to defeat death.

I walked home that night whistling an easy tune. I wasn’t worried about the repercussions from my company. I’m immortal now. What are they going to do? Fire me? I fully intended to take on the next challenge, whatever that was. But first I wanted to see my boy before I went to bed. I always had a habit to read bedtime stories to him. Or make something up. Kids were so much fun that way.

But when I got there I saw him sleeping. I smiled and went to kiss him on the forehead goodnight. When I touched his forehead though I panicked. He was so warm; it felt like he was burning from within. Which I found out later was exactly what happened not just to him, but to every child under the age of 7 years old.

You see, I had forgotten the children. It never occurred to me that they themselves might not be ready for the gift I had given them. That their bodies were too young and too underdeveloped to fight what I had done.

I watched my son die from the very virus I created, powerless to stop death from claiming its last victims. I had won. I had cheated death. No one would die anymore. Nor would anyone ever be born again. The children that survived would be all that was left. Once they grew up, there would be no more children.

I’ve always hated death. Ironically, I became its greatest instrument doing of all things, granting eternal life. Such good intentions led me to this and I can’t say I don’t deserve it. I’m hated now, and deservedly so. My arrogance destroyed my world and many others as well.

All that’s left for me is to find the cure. When I do so, I will be the first to ingest it. For pain I find is as eternal as life itself, and I want to end it. Maybe in the end, I’ll find peace. Every night though I still see my little guy sleeping in his cradle. Knowing I’m the one that put him there.

Comments please?

All Things Green Lantern

2005-11-10T02:46:00.000-08:00

Holy Crap, I actually went a few days with keeping my mouth shut. I'll have to remedy that now. Sheesh, what next? Total quietness from me? That can't happen.

I was going to write this last week, but with my epiphany I decided to write it now. It's about a little love of mine.

You see, when I was a kid I fell into a nasty little habit called comic book collecting. My parents were separating and my dad decided to get me into a hobby to help me through what was a very tough time. He introduced me to two comic book series. One of them was Starman. I remember reading the first issue with a guest appearance by Superman. But it was the second issue I ever read that introduced me to this character.

There was this guy in a green uniform that had this really cool ring. I asked my dad who this was, and he told me it was some guy named Green Lantern. Shortly thereafter I got my hands on an Emerald Dawn Trade Paperback, and the rest is history.

Green Lantern is simply cool. Imagine a ring that could give you anything you wished for. You can fly, you can fire this cool energy blasts and you save the world from bad guys. Win win right? Especially for a kid needing something to believe in.

I'm older now. I've been reading this comic for over ten years. The character of GL has changed many times. There's Alan Scott, Hal Jordan and Kyle Rayner as the three with the biggest roles in the history.

I like them all. Especially the last two. But the concept endures. And it took me a while to figure out why. Why do I like the character so much?

Because ultimately Green Lantern is about faith. If you believe in something hard enough, you can make it will. Oh, it may not come up instantly like it does when you have a power ring, but really that's a cool lesson.

Anything that positive deserves to be read. Because its true. If you can see something hard enough, you can make it happen. It may not be instaneous, but it can happen. If you have the willpower to do it, that is.

It inspired me as a kid and still inspires me to this day. It still takes me back to when I was a kid, needing something to believe in and hope for. Something to imagine. This is my little book to do it.

Next entry will actually have an excerpt of something...we'll see what I can think of.

Until then...
In brightest day, in blackest night, no evil shall escape my sight, let those who worship evils might, beware my power, Green Lantern's Light.

;)

Joshua Pantalleresco
Still Dreaming

This Week

2005-11-05T17:46:00.000-08:00

My last blog for the weekend. I really like opening my mouth, I realize. I just like the sound of my own voice, what can I say?

Originally, I was going to talk about my love for all things Green Lantern.

This has been an unexpected week. Clarity doesn't come often, but it came to me yesterday. I was watching of all things, Star Wars 3. Yes, with anakin going to the dark side and a chattering of noise around me, I realize the truth.

I don't belong where I am.

I spent last night talking to a good friend. She and I grew up a little bit this week because of each other. I thank her for that. It helped me reached this decision.

I don't know why where I live causes such dissension among people, but it's something I no longer wish to be a part of. So now I begin my search.

Life changing moments happen in odd places. I don't know where I'm going yet. I could be heading back to where I once called home. Maybe I'll head elsewhere. There's a serious appeal to check out of the country.

All I know is that I don't belong where I am anymore. And that it's time to move on.

One last thing before I go. Friendship is really a special thing. I've had a privilege of knowing many people. Few people as good as friends as this person I talked to all week. She is really something special. When you have a good friend, treasure them. It's rarer then gold.

Joshua Pantalleresco

Confidence

2005-11-04T18:58:00.000-08:00

Hello once again. This has been a great day so far. I've used SOL in customer's range. (I apologized afterwards, but man was I tired.) And still feel drained. In fact I'm doing this while I'm working. So you can guess what kind of day its become. All in all I survived that little bit of wonder, and here I am.

I want to present a little poem tonight. Before I do though I thought I'd try and have some kind of revolutionary thought or two. And thus leads into the topic I have on top here.

What you have is the most attractive thing in the universe. No, not me (though I'm up there I'm sure) but confidence. Confidence is actually a great little thing. It's almost as if it's a superpower.

With confidence you can do anything, even if you don't have a clue on how to do it. You can make mistakes, screw up and instead of being offended, they laugh at your silliness. It allows jokes to be funny. It's what I find most and least attractive about women. (I love confident women, I hate one's without esteem.)

Confidence is the music we all like to listen to. And really the music we should all rehearse to.

Everyday we should be confident. You know why? It's not because we're brilliant. Or even clever or creative. No, we should be confident because we're still here. We survived another day and have the ability to make anything happen. That is of course, if you believe anything can happen.

Here's my example of confidence today. I am going to finish two novels by the end of this year and have two short stories out to publish. That's pure confidence. I know I can do it. Next year, I'm going to start to fulfill some travel dreams. I want to see India and China. They are two of the oldest cultures on the planet, I love their food, I think their women are hot. What is not to love? And besides, I can learn something. Hopefully. If I'm not too incorrigable.

I think if everyone could focus on what they could do to better themselves, we'd be in a better world. What do you think?

I almost forgot my poem. Here it is. On the fly. It needs work and will have to ahve some done. But here it is.

I Can

today, I'm not going to look at what I haven't done
I'm not going to see the hills of doubt
the tunnel of remorse
of things that might have been or will be

today I'm not going to see the darkness
today I'm going to see the light

today I'm going to see possibility
today I'm going to try to do something
transform myself into a better person
until I like who I see in the mirror

today I focus on what I can be
what I can do and what I can become

I have many footsteps to follow
many mountains to climb
so today I move forward one step at a time
because I can
because I will

I hope you guys like this. I want feedback.

Later

Josh

Introduction

2005-11-04T02:46:00.000-08:00

Hello all. You have no idea who I am, and that's okay. I'll tell you a quick intro about me.

I am a professional writer. No, really. You can stop laughing right now. I'm serious. :)

I did self publish an infamous book of poetry. It's called "I Am..." and what's it about? Well, in short, what philosophical ramblings I've come up with. I may post a few of them, and some new ones here in the future. I may pose a wonderful thought somewhere in here. It's my blog darn it, and I can say wonderful when I feel like it.

Okay, my silly side aside, here's what I'm going to promise.

When and if I do write something here it may be one of the following...I may write a poem. I may show an excerpt of one of three books I'm finishing right now. And finally, I may occasionally try to write something insightful. I make no promises. I only hope you read it and enjoy it.

My next post...an excerpt. Let me know what you think.

Joshua Pantalleresco